Can We Have a Real Talk?

I feel like this topic isn’t talked about enough, so you know what? I’m going to talk about it. Let’s do the dang thing. Pregnancy SUCKS. Full stop. Well, for me it did – it was not glamourous.

I may get a lot of judgment for it, and so be it but what life do you live if you come from a place of constant fear of others’ judgments? I speak my truth and I live my truth. That’s what matters most.

Tuesday, August 17th, 2021 was the day I got my first positive pregnancy test, although I just had this gut feeling I was pregnant long before this day, I tested negative for about 3 weeks prior. My whole world changed that day. Was I ready? Financially? Mentally? Would I be a good mom? Was I built for this? I felt rocked to my core with so many unanswered questions.

Regardless, this was real and for me, there was no going back. I had the biggest smile on my face, but I also felt so damn nervous about everything I was about to face the next nine months and forever after that. I went for my first ultrasound at what I thought was eight weeks, but yeah I was definitely wrong, lol or so they say, my midwives are actually quite confused about my due date but that’s another story! I got there and they could not find him, so we had to do an internal ultrasound. Sure enough, we found him.

The moment week number seven came around, I was instantly sick – and it was bad. I know some people have it worse, so I tried not to complain. I could not even hold the water that I drank down. It got to the point where the OBGYN in Nashville prescribed me Zofran – I know there’s a lot of controversy around this medication while pregnant, but it helped me and my baby is still healthy as ever. So, I am thankful for this.

In September 2021 a few weeks after I was given Zofran, I moved back to Ontario, Canada from Nashville because I wanted to be surrounded by my family and my grandparents are still alive so I wanted them to meet the first great grand baby of the family. I really tried to salvage this medication because I know it’s not so easy to get in Canada, instead, we get diclectin which I swear is a placebo. It does NOTHING, it didn’t do anything for me at least. I was taking 4 of those a day, whereas with Zofran I was taking 1 to 2 a day, depending on the day. This morning sickness lasted until I was about 21-22 weeks. It felt like hell along with food aversions, there wasn’t much I felt like eating. I felt like I was truly in survival mode, eating as little as I could, minimal water, so sick and so much pain. I was told I did in fact have Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG). I probably should’ve gone to the hospital a couple of times for some IV fluids but I was too sick to even go.

Now, moving forward – let’s talk about round ligament pain and lightning crotch. As a side note, I dreamed of having a fit pregnancy, but I felt like every odd was against me. So yeah, round ligament pain… What is it you may ask?

“Round ligament pain is a sharp pain or jabbing feeling often felt in the lower belly or groin area on one or both sides. It is one of the most common complaints during pregnancy and is considered a normal part of pregnancy. It is most often felt during the second trimester. A woman’s body makes hormones during pregnancy to make ligaments loose and stretchy. This helps the body adjust to the growing baby. As a baby grows in the womb, it stretches the uterus and the round ligaments. This stretching can cause spasms in the round ligaments, leading to the pain.” Thanks, Google. Alright, now moving forward, let us talk about Lightning Crotch… Here’s the definition: “Lightning crotch feels like an electrical bolt of pain in the vagina, rectum, or pelvis. Lightning crotch refers to sharp or shooting pain in the vagina, rectum, or pelvis. It usually occurs during pregnancy. The pain comes on suddenly and can stop someone in their tracks.” Thank you again, Google.

It was horrible, it hurt to stand straight up, it hurt to get off my couch, it hurt to walk and another note, I’m not allowed to do much walking because all it does is inflame the area more which causes more pain. I’m supposed to move my body like a unit yet it’s super difficult once you’re so used to moving how you moved prior to pregnancy. This has probably been the worst part for me. It’s been seriously depressing going from an athlete to a person who can barely function doing small tasks due to pain. It really makes me sad – I try not to compare myself to influencers or other people I see on social media working their butts off during pregnancy – it just makes me envious. I wanted more than anything to be like them.

Sore bones, joints, and muscles in my arms and legs? Like seriously sore? Yeah, I have that too.

I didn’t enjoy my journey through pregnancy and it should be normalized to say this: Pregnancy sucks and it is OKAY to dislike or hate it. I have. Do I regret my child? Oh heck no. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.

But I truly have not enjoyed pregnancy at all, the only thing I loved is feeling him kick and move around until he started using my bladder as a practice soccer ball!

I’ve cried countless tears feeling like an alien in my own body. I’m thankful I have a great family to help me along with a great man by my side. This experience has opened my eyes to how powerful and strong women really are. I never underestimated women, but it just puts things into perspective once you go through it yourself and I haven’t even given birth yet… I’m not trying to be super negative either, but I’ve heard countless stories of women being too ashamed to say they didn’t like pregnancy and I think it’s time we stop being ashamed for that feeling. Your feelings are valid. Pregnancy is HARD. It SUCKS. But, are your children worth every second of all this pain? Absolutely. Here are a few tips for people who know pregnant women, or brand new moms – please stop saying “Just wait until…” or “You’ll forget about this all once he or she is born.” or asking when/if they’re having more children only to make them feel bad when they say they do not want to go through this again. Stop giving unsolicited advice. Please, all of this has to stop. Every. Single. Experience is VASTLY different. Stop judging moms for their birth plans – I know I’ve been judged cruelly due to me having a home birth plan – we are well aware that things can change in seconds yet we are still surrounded by medical professionals.

For those speaking to new moms, instead of just asking how the baby is doing once they are born, please ask how the new mom is doing. Post Partum is incredibly difficult. Please don’t forget about the new mom – she matters. She’s barely taking care of herself while making sure her baby receives the world while also taking care of the home. Anyways, these are a few small reasons I have not enjoyed pregnancy and probably will not be doing this again – mostly the physical pain, prenatal depression, then unsolicited advice with negativity. I’ve seen posts on social media about women being ashamed that they’ve hated their experience, and I wanted to write about how the feelings are valid.